Silence. Stillness. Quietness.

It is first march 2017,  at the beginning of the year,  silence filled my heart,  quietness filled my soul. As if a stillness captured me.  It all seemed lifeless untill yesterday....
I realised, in silence He speaks,  in stillness he moves and in quietness do i hear him clearly.
When there is so much noise around me and within me,  its hard to get to that place of quietness, silence and stillness. 
At first it seemed awkward,  along the way i realised the noised from both within and without were clouding up my heart, mind and ears from hearing and feeling his prescence and love. His embrace.
Who have you listened to Haryet?  A friend asked me yesterday.  This question took me back to silence.
In silence i listened to my heartbeat. In silence i heard my desire and longing for more of him and less of me.
I long for the silence to fill my heart.
The quietness to fill my soul.
The stillness to fill my whole being.

Mourning

Have you ever mourned what you never had?
You think you had it, but the reality is it was never there.
We think we have friendships going on or relationships or even pregnancies or a job, but they have never really existed.
"Hope deferred makes the heart sick... Proverbs"
My heart detected a threat, my mind down played it.
Ooh how well packaged it was and still is, yet it's not what it says it is.

I have tried to find good in this but this time I have failed, it's all a scam, an empty shell that needed to fix it's self.
I am angry. Mad and disappointed. Maybe I don't have to be but I am.
I hate "fake" and worst of all, I hate it when "fake"  makes me feel worthless and useless.
When I allow you to get into my life,  it's a privilege for me to know another soul and the mistake I make is to trust you completely,
I don't know how to write this. I don't like that my heart is in this state that I can't even  clearly express myself.
I am mourning something that I thought I had but really never had.  A friend. "

Not the Board Again

"Not the Board again Haryet, I am tired of looking at the white board." Said one of the youth.
OK.... Puzzled at her statement and facial expression, I asked for the board to be hidden.
"I go to school so they can say, she went to school." said another youth
"school is boring Haryet." said another youth.

I walk into my office and there they are seated.  I asked them what they were doing here and why they are not at school.
"We are home haryet and we are tired of school " they said.

What is going on with" formal school"?  What exactly is happening there.
Has it lost its value or have the youth been suppressed.?
I think it is time to use the Board of Nature to teach.
After that discussion, it led me to ask what they really wanted. Many of them wanted to watch movies.
Yes movies.

I was surprised too,  see acting is not taught in school neither is it celebrated at all yet we all love movies.
Right now "Queen of katwe" is being watched by almost everyone apart from me, when I asked them what movie they wanted to watch, they mentioned it.

Isn't it time to teach youth more than just the white board does?
What is the difference between Talent, gifts, passion and profession?

A Letter to Me.

Haryet,
By the way, what date could it be today?
Well, I also thought so, buy does it have to be April 23rd before I can appreciate God for a life special that He brought into this world?
A life that has barely lived for itself but others, a life full of love with deeds that remind me that God never rested, there are hearts and hands He still uses and works through.

Haryet,
Thank you for putting a smile on my face, thank you for putting smiles on many faces.
If I were asked to define friendship, I would simply pick you and present you. Because within you, I discovered the true meaning of friendship.
You Never cease to amaze me because your love still glows even when you are angry. 
People rarely treasure the gifts they have in their hands but with you it's hard because your love shines so bright that everyone notices.
I may not be able to celebrate your birth, but definitely, you have given me a reason to always celebrate your life.
Surely good and perfect gifts only come from above, and where else could you have come from but above?
You  will never know how many lives you have blessed. But allow me represent them all by saying THANK YOU.
Enjoy your life, from Davis S. G, with LOVE.

Let it Be

"What kind of music plays in your heart when you learn that part of loving is knowing when to allow another to walk away?" asked Alan Jones.
I will tell you what kind: The sweet and painful little aria "Let it be"

That song is playing in my heart. The sweet and painful song... "Let it  be?"  what does that even mean? Is there such a thing as let it be? 
At this moment it is more painful than sweet. This one hit me so hard I didn't expect it but who again ever expects such pain.
Those who participate in change must participate in death... I suck at transitions and change is painful for me. It is death.

Death of a friend, a sentiment or an attachment something connected to you dies and definitely something in you dies.
Through this I have learnt that there is always life after death.
During the time of that change and death, life is evolving, there is something new sprouting out of the person experiencing death. You can't be the same as you were before. You become new. Completely new somehow.

I also learnt that because there are changes every single second, there is death every single second and therefore there is new life every second too.
That said, the art of learning to dance to the tune of pain and sweet is a continuous process because it is part of our life and that makes the tune "Let it be"  make more sense.

"Let it be" to me right now sounds like breath, a part of me that I can not control or even comprehend.
"Let it be"  is a reckless move made by the one who actually let it be. God.
I have come to the end of my rope, I am done trying to let it be I am dropping it and just falling knowing the one that Let it be will catch me, hold me because I know His arms are always underneath.
I will "Let it be"

Owe.... Seriously.

When people talk about jobs and work, it's usually a burden, a source of income, a survival tool or a hustling den.

When people talk about bosses, they are a pain in the wrong places, someone to please, a superior with high powers unquestionable, The Boss.... They not humans favorite species yet they are humans too.

When people talk about their professions, it's written with well defined titles and carries loads and loads of weight. Terms used can be scary especially if the field is not familiar to you.

When people talk about youth, they are "horror actors"  parents have their own definition of teenagers, sometimes they say that age group of a wasted stage wait word used is "damaged"  I think or adolescence is disturbing them, parents call them headache . Let's just say very few people have nice things to say about this age bracket.
If not lazy then rebellious or indicipline .. Not so cool right.

Seriously, the youth I have known, a rare group of kids "refugee youth"  from different backgrounds, culture and religion come together as a group and form a family "I go the Mile".
Resilience is embedded into their souls. They have gone through immeasurable pain, stood the test of being called names, watched their parents slaughtered, sisters and brothers snatched away from the cruelty of humanity, the only survivor alive among his family members in another country, at 17years..... Yet with all that on his mind He still stands and says He has Hope and he knows his family is proud of him wherever they are...

That is just one of the many teenagers I am proud to be working with, it alters my perspective of them leaves me in owe.....seriously..

Seriously, I am in Owe... I am overwhelmed not only to be surrounded by such amazing young people  but to have bosses who are the opposite of many bosses... They are COOL.. BBE (Best Bosses Ever).
I have no job description, I do what God tells me to do and he has blessed me so much that my work is embedded in him.

Aaaaaahhhh.... Seriously.. I am in Owe.
Of his Love and goodness. His healing power and restoration.
His Amazing Grace. He is Love.
He has spoken the language all creation yearns for and yet many do not understand.
The language is too sweet, too good, strange to the world around us, the noise around us. He has spoken to these teenagers and moulded them into who He wants them to be regardless of what they have gone through.

They are living to tell those stories to many,. To testify of his saving power. Of his unfailing love and of the fact that he skillfully crafted all human stages for his purpose. These teenagers are different, my work is different, My bosses are different and I am different because of CHRIST....

Losing Me

When I glimpse a hummingbird in my tulips, can I call up my gladness and spend some time with it?
A Stern voice in me says, how wasteful what if you don't get anything done?
I ask, Can  allow myself to feel the pain of a relationship that needs rekindling? No, the voice says, stifle it and pretend. Rocked boats tip over.
So I ask, what about the anger inside?  Can I feel it? And the voice says it's not nice to be angry.
Then I ask, when I am scared and hurting, can I open my soul and let someone peer way down inside? And it says, keep a stiff upper lip. Bury it.
When I live with those answers long enough, I can no longer connect to my real feelings. I lose my ability to relate to myself and others from a genuine place.
I Lose Myself.

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