EMERGING

The catterpilar is a prisoner to the street that concieved him. 

His only job is to eat and consume everything around him, in order to protect himself from this mad city.

While consuming his environment the catterpilar notices ways to survive.

 One thing it notices is how the world shuns him but praises the butterfly. 

A butterfly represents the talent, beauty and thoughtfulness within a catterpilar.

By having a harsh outlook on life the catterpilar sees the butterfly as weak, and starts pimping it to his own benefits.

Already surrounded by this mad city the caterpillar starts working on the cacoon, which institutionalizes him. He can no longer see past his own thought. His trapped.

While trapped within these walls certain ideas take root such as going home and Bringing new concepts to this mad city.

The result wings begin to emerge, breaking the cycle of feeling stagnant. Finally free, the butterfly shares light on situations that the catterpilar never considered.

Although the caterpillar and butterfly are completely different. They are one and the same.

When you know who you are, you don't fight for  the right to be you.
Nothing ever done stripes you off of who you really are. No one can take away who you are.
This knowledge gives me confidence and Rest knowing I don't need to fight or compete in anyway.

I am emerging.

Learning to unlearn to Learn.

Alive

"My Mentor" he said
"My Mentor" she said
"Our Mentor " they said

Makes me feel alive
I have lived my dream
My dream was to be a mentor.
I didn't know what that word ment and still don't know but hearing the call me their mentor is heavenly.

I am Alive.

Stabbed

The state of my heart has bandages.  It's at the stage where surgery is being done and you are awake.  Watching not sure how to cover your nakedness because it's not in your hands nor is it under your control that the surgeon recommends that the surgery is done in such a manner.

Not only is your body naked but the inside of you is exposed too,  hands move within you, you don't feel pain but you feel cold. It's an interesting experience.
"You have a strong personality ". At first it came as a compliment.  I smiled,  said thank you and thought to myself wow..... I don't know what that means but its got to be good.

It made me feel good about myself especially coming from someone I admire,  someone I look up to. Someone I highly esteem.  I have very few of those kinds of people in my life. It made me fearless. My heart would swell with pride just the way my Father tells me I am beautiful and nothing wipes those prints away from my heart. And when my mom says she's proud of me all shackles on my feet fall because I know the people I value believe in me deeply.

I opened my heart out to a few other people given the stable firm foundation from my family background and loved fearlessly, trusted unquestionably because that's what I know how to do. I expressed myself without breaks and became very close to others other than my parents,  I guess that gave them a break given the notion "I am a piece of work". These new people became a few of the people that I would call "my person ". I poured my heart into these my people,  I fell recklessly,  I loved recklessly and I trusted freely. My heart was like a river,  flowing endlessly,  they held my "secrets" saw me cry several times and then BOOOOOOOOOM! A rock was thrown into this river.  They stopped the flow and I wondered what had happened,  what I had done, where all this had come from.

I am still in that place,  everytime I reached out I was told I was not fine and I needed help.  That stung.  That stabbed my heart to know the people I highly value and esteem after my parents think I have a problem and they don't want to aid my healing yet they always did.
I don't know what happened.
I probably might never know.
This leaves my heart in that state

Regardless of all that is happening or has happened,  I am happy to have my heart still open and not closed and I am glad that I can always learn from this,  learn mostly about myself and appreciate my parents for the foundation they have given me.
The healing process has started,  and my heart is still open,  it has made me realize in me,  there is a treasure that lacks in this world,  Love. A Love that many have not experienced. A love that is reckless and fearless.  A love that stands strong within the waves.  A love that will swim through the storm just to reach the others that need Love without condemning those that did not appreciate Love.
Love that lives among humans so strong that it is feared because we feel we do not deserve such Love.
That Love lives in me.  That Love is Christ.
The one who was here and is here but not here.
The one who is the Lion and the Lamb.  That Love has exposed my heart that wide and still continues to expose it.
That's the Love that has covered my stabbed bandaged heart.

Letter to God...

Dear God, my mind is spinning, I have come to this place many times before, not sure whether I should fight or run, humble myself or stand tall, be there for someone or save my heart, love or let go.

I have felt this way about different positions, about jobs that didn't seem to fill the void in my heart, but not knowing if that was a selfish way of looking at the world or you speaking to me telling me that it was time to seek answers elsewhere.
I have felt this in my day today existence, a restlessness that I wrestle with, trying to make sense of why I feel so pulled in the opposite directions. Forever wondering if that's the voice in my head or you.
I have felt this in most of my relationships.
Not knowing when I have reached the final straw. Unsure whether you're cautioning me to guard my heart and walk away unscathed or if I'm supposed to be selfless and love like you even when I sacrifice myself in the process.

You've taught me to love others, this is written in your word and it's been pressed onto my heart since I was born and received you in my life as my personal lord and savior. You've blessed me with the ability to love and I want to love.
Buy how am I supposed to know when enough is enough?
How can I tell a person's true emotions and whether their relationship is worth my time, effort and attention especially when it starts to hurt?
How do I know you are here and that falling for this person is the right choice or not? Do I even choose to fall for the person?
How are my  supposed to know how to love imperfect people with my own imperfect heart? And when this imperfection males itself apparent, how will I know whether to stay or leave?
Lord how......?
How does anyone know?
How do we know?

In some ways we don't.
We won't be given the answer in the way we expect. We won't know what we're getting into from the start or see the entire future mapped out in front of us. That's the risk we take in love isn't it?
But that doesn't mean you aren't present God. That doesn't mean you aren't there.
So I ask that you how me. Show me a silver lining of your plan. Show me my next step.
When I fall into a relationship, I see forever stretched out in front of me, bother terrifying and beautiful.
I see future plans, future happiness, I imagine myself intertwined with someone else but as this life brings conflicts, the image distorts. That image gets blurry and suddenly I don't feel so sure.
Suddenly I question whether this relationship is the one I am supposed to be in.
You've taught me that I deserve a love that shines like you, but the person my heart is drawn to is only human. I can't expect perfection. And yet I can't settle for a love that isn't right. A love that hurts.
But aren't you supposed to love, show forgiveness, be patient and selfless and all things you have taught ME?
But what about myself?
Is this what you want for me?
Is staying with this person the right choice?
IA holding on a better choice? Because I'm giving them what they need? Because we're fighting to stay together and to love better and that's what relationships are all about?
Or is there someone better out there for me? Am I hurting myself trying to love someone who isn't in the place to love right now? Should I stay or go?

In this moment please let me hear you, please show me the ways you are guiding me, loving me and standing beside me. Show me the ways to love like you. To be humble and selfless, forgiving and kind.
Show me how to care for someone outside myself without worrying about what's happening to me.
But also shoe me when I am losing myself to build someone and when this job is too big for me to shoulder on my own.
God put aside my selfishness and help me see what you've placed in front of me. Help me to see whether this person's intentions are sincere or whether they are only looking out for themselves.
Help me see beyond face value, beyond my attraction, beyond the entanglings of my heart. How me where you are in this relationship. Whether or not you're present and what my next step should be.
Show me that I don't have to keep a checklist of all the rights and wrongs. Show me that I don't need to worry whether I'm doing too much because you see all that I'm doing and that's what really matters. Show me how Love should be and if I'm in a place of toxicity give me strength to walk away.
Gives way heart peace and resilience. Give me quiet moments to turn to you in prayer. Give me wisdom to see outside what's in front of me to the big picture and help me determine whether the love I'm giving and receiving is on the right path.
Help me see if this relationship is worthy and if I have done all I can and must salvage the broken pieces of myself and move on.
Remind me that sometimes the most painful things are the right things that fighting with and for someone will only hurt and heal.
And if I end up broken, no matter the end result, remind me that pain isn't a part of your plan and that I can turn to you to bring me to my feet again.

God give me wisdom. The wisdom to discern whether this relationship is right. The wisdom to see this person for who they really are. The wisdom to know whether I have done enough, done too little, done things selfishly or need to do more.
Give me the wisdom to forgive, to heal, to love, to continue in whatever direction you point me.
Speak truth to my heart Lord and knowledge to my head. Show me whether I should stay or leave. And help me to be led by your word not the beating of my heart.
Give me wisdom father. Lead me through your word and Spirit. Not by me listening to my heart beat but by you Jesus. Only you Father. Speak to me and let me hear you this day father for you are LOVE.
Your daughter
Haryet.

I lose myself

When i Glimpse a hummingbird in my tulips, can i call up my gladness and spend sometime with it?
A stern voice in me says, How wasteful what if you don't get anything done?
I ask, can i allow myself to feel the pain of a relationship that needs rekindling?No, the voice says, stifle it and pretend. Rocked boats tip over.
So i ask, what about the anger inside? Can i feel it? And the voice says its not nice to be angry .
Then i ask, when i am scared and hurting, can i open my soul and let someone peer way down inside?
And it says, keep stiff upper lip.Bury it.
When i live with there answers long enough, i can no longer connect to my real feelings, i lose my ability to relate to myself and others from a genuine place. I lose myself.

Warm heart

My heart is warm
Fuzzy
Mushy
Tingly
Bubbly
Whatever other word out there describing a soft, vulnerable, smiling heart. My heart feels warm. Excited but scared and anxious too....

He kissed me.

A wink melts the heart, a kiss is very intimate and a hug makes you surrender. A combination of a wink, kiss and a hug makes one weak.

I got a new dress today, very unexpected. Somebody gave me a dress.
This reminded me of the time I was young when I got a new dress, I would want to wear it there and then. When I got my new dress today, I wore it there and then. I was very very excited.
My heart was skipping and the child in me was awakened. I felt young, fresh, beautiful and loved. I felt special and everyone old me the dress looked good on me.

Later in the afternoon, I felt a strong conviction to go hug a friend across town, I wondered what was going on, I got a boda and rushed to Nakawa to give a friend a hug, it was special and while there I hugged one other friend that I had not talked to since June last year. I felt reckless and wild. I was jumping like a little girl. Ooh how joyful I was.

My heart was filled with Love, peace, joy aaahhh.... Beautiful day. I was very happy.

That's how I know He had kissed me.
God had kissed me, gave me a glimpse of heaven. Placed love in my heart and loved me. Lifted me up and set me free.
My chains are gone
I have been set free
My God my savior has ransomed me.
Amazing Grace.

God winked at me, kissed me and hugged me. I am In his Loving arms forever.
I feel like a teenager who has been kissed by the boy she had a crush on.
Ooh Beautiful, Beautiful

I Love his Kisses.

Silence. Stillness. Quietness.

It is first march 2017,  at the beginning of the year,  silence filled my heart,  quietness filled my soul. As if a stillness captured me.  It all seemed lifeless untill yesterday....
I realised, in silence He speaks,  in stillness he moves and in quietness do i hear him clearly.
When there is so much noise around me and within me,  its hard to get to that place of quietness, silence and stillness. 
At first it seemed awkward,  along the way i realised the noised from both within and without were clouding up my heart, mind and ears from hearing and feeling his prescence and love. His embrace.
Who have you listened to Haryet?  A friend asked me yesterday.  This question took me back to silence.
In silence i listened to my heartbeat. In silence i heard my desire and longing for more of him and less of me.
I long for the silence to fill my heart.
The quietness to fill my soul.
The stillness to fill my whole being.

Mourning

Have you ever mourned what you never had?
You think you had it, but the reality is it was never there.
We think we have friendships going on or relationships or even pregnancies or a job, but they have never really existed.
"Hope deferred makes the heart sick... Proverbs"
My heart detected a threat, my mind down played it.
Ooh how well packaged it was and still is, yet it's not what it says it is.

I have tried to find good in this but this time I have failed, it's all a scam, an empty shell that needed to fix it's self.
I am angry. Mad and disappointed. Maybe I don't have to be but I am.
I hate "fake" and worst of all, I hate it when "fake"  makes me feel worthless and useless.
When I allow you to get into my life,  it's a privilege for me to know another soul and the mistake I make is to trust you completely,
I don't know how to write this. I don't like that my heart is in this state that I can't even  clearly express myself.
I am mourning something that I thought I had but really never had.  A friend. "

Not the Board Again

"Not the Board again Haryet, I am tired of looking at the white board." Said one of the youth.
OK.... Puzzled at her statement and facial expression, I asked for the board to be hidden.
"I go to school so they can say, she went to school." said another youth
"school is boring Haryet." said another youth.

I walk into my office and there they are seated.  I asked them what they were doing here and why they are not at school.
"We are home haryet and we are tired of school " they said.

What is going on with" formal school"?  What exactly is happening there.
Has it lost its value or have the youth been suppressed.?
I think it is time to use the Board of Nature to teach.
After that discussion, it led me to ask what they really wanted. Many of them wanted to watch movies.
Yes movies.

I was surprised too,  see acting is not taught in school neither is it celebrated at all yet we all love movies.
Right now "Queen of katwe" is being watched by almost everyone apart from me, when I asked them what movie they wanted to watch, they mentioned it.

Isn't it time to teach youth more than just the white board does?
What is the difference between Talent, gifts, passion and profession?

A Letter to Me.

Haryet,
By the way, what date could it be today?
Well, I also thought so, buy does it have to be April 23rd before I can appreciate God for a life special that He brought into this world?
A life that has barely lived for itself but others, a life full of love with deeds that remind me that God never rested, there are hearts and hands He still uses and works through.

Haryet,
Thank you for putting a smile on my face, thank you for putting smiles on many faces.
If I were asked to define friendship, I would simply pick you and present you. Because within you, I discovered the true meaning of friendship.
You Never cease to amaze me because your love still glows even when you are angry. 
People rarely treasure the gifts they have in their hands but with you it's hard because your love shines so bright that everyone notices.
I may not be able to celebrate your birth, but definitely, you have given me a reason to always celebrate your life.
Surely good and perfect gifts only come from above, and where else could you have come from but above?
You  will never know how many lives you have blessed. But allow me represent them all by saying THANK YOU.
Enjoy your life, from Davis S. G, with LOVE.

Let it Be

"What kind of music plays in your heart when you learn that part of loving is knowing when to allow another to walk away?" asked Alan Jones.
I will tell you what kind: The sweet and painful little aria "Let it be"

That song is playing in my heart. The sweet and painful song... "Let it  be?"  what does that even mean? Is there such a thing as let it be? 
At this moment it is more painful than sweet. This one hit me so hard I didn't expect it but who again ever expects such pain.
Those who participate in change must participate in death... I suck at transitions and change is painful for me. It is death.

Death of a friend, a sentiment or an attachment something connected to you dies and definitely something in you dies.
Through this I have learnt that there is always life after death.
During the time of that change and death, life is evolving, there is something new sprouting out of the person experiencing death. You can't be the same as you were before. You become new. Completely new somehow.

I also learnt that because there are changes every single second, there is death every single second and therefore there is new life every second too.
That said, the art of learning to dance to the tune of pain and sweet is a continuous process because it is part of our life and that makes the tune "Let it be"  make more sense.

"Let it be" to me right now sounds like breath, a part of me that I can not control or even comprehend.
"Let it be"  is a reckless move made by the one who actually let it be. God.
I have come to the end of my rope, I am done trying to let it be I am dropping it and just falling knowing the one that Let it be will catch me, hold me because I know His arms are always underneath.
I will "Let it be"

Owe.... Seriously.

When people talk about jobs and work, it's usually a burden, a source of income, a survival tool or a hustling den.

When people talk about bosses, they are a pain in the wrong places, someone to please, a superior with high powers unquestionable, The Boss.... They not humans favorite species yet they are humans too.

When people talk about their professions, it's written with well defined titles and carries loads and loads of weight. Terms used can be scary especially if the field is not familiar to you.

When people talk about youth, they are "horror actors"  parents have their own definition of teenagers, sometimes they say that age group of a wasted stage wait word used is "damaged"  I think or adolescence is disturbing them, parents call them headache . Let's just say very few people have nice things to say about this age bracket.
If not lazy then rebellious or indicipline .. Not so cool right.

Seriously, the youth I have known, a rare group of kids "refugee youth"  from different backgrounds, culture and religion come together as a group and form a family "I go the Mile".
Resilience is embedded into their souls. They have gone through immeasurable pain, stood the test of being called names, watched their parents slaughtered, sisters and brothers snatched away from the cruelty of humanity, the only survivor alive among his family members in another country, at 17years..... Yet with all that on his mind He still stands and says He has Hope and he knows his family is proud of him wherever they are...

That is just one of the many teenagers I am proud to be working with, it alters my perspective of them leaves me in owe.....seriously..

Seriously, I am in Owe... I am overwhelmed not only to be surrounded by such amazing young people  but to have bosses who are the opposite of many bosses... They are COOL.. BBE (Best Bosses Ever).
I have no job description, I do what God tells me to do and he has blessed me so much that my work is embedded in him.

Aaaaaahhhh.... Seriously.. I am in Owe.
Of his Love and goodness. His healing power and restoration.
His Amazing Grace. He is Love.
He has spoken the language all creation yearns for and yet many do not understand.
The language is too sweet, too good, strange to the world around us, the noise around us. He has spoken to these teenagers and moulded them into who He wants them to be regardless of what they have gone through.

They are living to tell those stories to many,. To testify of his saving power. Of his unfailing love and of the fact that he skillfully crafted all human stages for his purpose. These teenagers are different, my work is different, My bosses are different and I am different because of CHRIST....

Losing Me

When I glimpse a hummingbird in my tulips, can I call up my gladness and spend some time with it?
A Stern voice in me says, how wasteful what if you don't get anything done?
I ask, Can  allow myself to feel the pain of a relationship that needs rekindling? No, the voice says, stifle it and pretend. Rocked boats tip over.
So I ask, what about the anger inside?  Can I feel it? And the voice says it's not nice to be angry.
Then I ask, when I am scared and hurting, can I open my soul and let someone peer way down inside? And it says, keep a stiff upper lip. Bury it.
When I live with those answers long enough, I can no longer connect to my real feelings. I lose my ability to relate to myself and others from a genuine place.
I Lose Myself.

Copied from SUE MONK KIDD.

DISGUISED PRIDE

Pride, like Satan, is the master of disguise. We see the overly proud whose acts so obvious in his haughty attitude as better, looks down on the afflicted, and expects to reign.
We see him and find him DISTURBING because he amplifies what is hidden in us, though we think "what a Jerk! 
If only we could get a good look at himself from the outside!" However he is blond and proud of his nakedness.
What I want to talk about is DISGUISED PRIDE. Something much more insidious.

Do you know that depression is usually disguised pride that occurs as a person reacts to the blow of the realisation that he cannot be perfect, control himself and others, or do any matter of a good job of imitating God?

Self hatred is Pride for how can one hate self unless he has fallen from the lofty image he had of his own flesh.
Self depreciation can be pride. "ooh.... I cannot do that, no one likes me, I am too stupid and have never succeeded in anything, God could never use me!"
Just how much time does a self depreciating person spend thinking about himself?
Victimization is pride
"ooh... Let me tell you what they said to me. How could anyone say that? How could anyone be so unkind? "
" I got cheated, the family took my money. Do you think I deserve to be treated that way?
Being offended is pride. Does one really think that his flesh is too wonderful that it needs defending?
There is Inferiority, that definitely is pride.  The inferior have spent so much time looking for good in themselves that eventually they find the bad. If they know good, they will know evil.
Jealousy, hating ones unrighteousness, obsession on failure and rejection, the feeling that someone does not observe anything.
Expecting the worst, being negative all the time.
LOOK UP THE DEFINITION OF PRIDE AND SEE IF THE ABOVE IS TRUE IN YOUR HEART!

See how it is the master of Disguise?
Message about SELF.
SELF=SIN=PRIDE!!

Most of the things mentioned here are reactions of some kind. Reactions to how people make us feel usually what they do or say.
I have been there done and still doing and feeling all those. Reacting in that same fashion sometimes the I remember,  I am not perfect, no one is.
I have learnt, no one is perfect we should never expect people to be perfect, only with Love are we able to forgive, only with love are we able to lay ourselves down for the master to cleanse our hearts, only with love are we able to watch our reactions towards what has been said or done, only with love are we able to lift up our hearts and ask our father to lead us in the way everlasting.
Because Pride (Sin) entered the world and yet in Christ we are dead to sin. Only with Love our sins were washed away.
We Love because He first loved us. We do not know how to Love the one who loves us teaches us how to Love and ooooohhh my dear, it is a continuous process, continually reminded that My life is not my own for me to Iive is Christ.
He lives in me.
He is my master
My everything
The air I breath
I do nothing on my own because I am nothing without God.
He resists the  PROUD.... LOVE WINS ALWAYS!

PARTY OF THIS IS A BORROWERD MESSAGE THAT WORKED MY HEART AND SET ME TO PRAY, PSALM 139:23-24.

"SEARCH ME OH.... GOD AND KNOW MY HEART, TRY ME AND KNOW MY ANXIETIES AND SEE IF THERE IS ANY WICKED WAY IN ME, AND LEAD ME TO THE WAY EVERLASTING. "

Opened Wild Rose.

I have a lot I want to talk about, there are so many things I am learning and want to share.

Today I went for a training on  "family life challenges". I didn't know what to expect but I know I am not a fun of "professional counseling" but this lady made   a statement that  opened me up. She said..
"It's not always as it is written in the book, you learn while doing".
I actually sat up straight in my chair and enjoyed the training and I realized it was really for me.

"Self sufficiency is a sin... " I learnt that along the way. I used to think I didn't need anybody and I can do bad all by myself. Well I was wrong and even now that I continue to learn sometimes it comes up until I remember " independence is a scam" we need people in our lives and we depend on people for support in one way or another.
We need each other.
I need my friends

When we are recklessly abandoned, we are Opened. Just like a seal on anything when opened it can get sealed again.
When we are open we are to be used, makes us weak, makes us empty and makes us useless.
In that state we realise and are aware of who we are and since we are there,  we need each other. I need my friends.

I am broken, I was ashamed of my brokenness. I still feel the Shame sometimes but exposing my shame makes me weak yet draws help to me.

I  am opened up to be used, to be emptied to be corrected, to be what God wants me to be. This can only happen when  I am empty so that the Spirit fills me and uses me.

The major thing that I have learnt today is that I am afraid CHANGE, of transition, changes and phases of growth. Change is inevitable but my reaction to change is always a struggle.
Intimacy means attachment and I easily get attached losing that attachment and accepting changes that might occur leave me "paralysed" 
This is a big deal for me to realise everything changes,  seasons change, people change the one thing that is eternal and constant is God(Love).
Exposing this is going to help me deal with it and adjust that I have no doubt and I am work in progress.

I am Opened. I need my friends and i am not ashamed of my brokenness and need. I am going to be wild and free because I am Opened.  For he who the son has set free is free indeed.
I am Opened.

Recklessly abandoned (it's painful)

Friendships are interesting. we have friends, many have different meanings of friendships ans different ways to veiw friends.
We all have our own definition of friends and sadly most times our expectations define friends for us.

I must confess that this area has not been smooth for me. i am puzzled not sure if i am the one "not doing it right" i have failed my friends in many ways and they have failed me too. And usually i loss tjem forever.

Before i used not to care that i might be losing them,well not sure that is totally gone either but i always wonder if we are  just losing the true essence of friendship which to me is "Recklessness".
Friendship is not determined by how long people have known each other,is it? i am not sure but i think friendship is determined by people who recklessly abondon themselves to each other. Be stupid with each other,embrace each other just the way they are.

That said, it doesnt mean all you will do is laugh about your silliness but you will fight too as you embrace each others differences . i am a package wraped up both good and evil. i can be really evil and i am not proud of me at that time bit thats why we have friends because then they make us better people are ae learn from each other.

Recklessness is not celebrated  but i have chosen to take that path. i have abandoned myself to friends before but it was accompanied with pride. i am lossing me and i want to recklessly abandon my self in love. even when it is not my fault i will say sorry. Even when i know the explanations given by my friends are in their defence i will accept it. Even when i dont understand why they dont understand me i will stick around i do all this because a friend made a sacrifice for me too, He recklessly abandoned himself so i can live and He can live  in me too.

Yes it hurts to recklessly abandon myslef,it makes me vulnerable, many times my pride wants to step in then i remember what my friend did for me ooohh.....it is not fun at that moment.

This is where i am right now. This is the place i am at. Right now i am learning to humble myself in recklessness.  Love is reckless, makes me very weak yet very strong. RECKLESSLY ABANDONED. the state of my heart.

My friends are the people God has placed my way,

Different doesn’t mean Better

Just because we are different in so many ways doesn't mean you are better in anyway.
Different is good, you say you accept our difference and yet you work to change me, you strive to see me be like you.
You want me to act like you do, do what you do, how then will that be celebrating difference?
If you say you agree with diversity yet you constantly remind me that I am inferior and you are superior.
That your ways are better than mine.
That you are first class and I and second.
Is being different accepted by you?
You want me to accept the difference but you do not accept the difference.
You say it in different languages, different styles you call yourself developed and I am developing.
You call yourself rich and I am poor.
Your standard of living High and mine low.
Your quality high and mine low.
You always think your way is right and my way is wrong.
Just because you/we are different doesn’t mean your way is better.

Being different means we work together impact each other, focusing on the similarities we have because those seem to be the core of life.
Regardless of the differences, our small veins in the eye is the same.
Regardless of the differences blood is red. We all have blood running through our bodies and veins.
We all have a heart that beats and pumps that blood.
We all enjoy a good meal and laughter soothes our souls
We all visit the toilet and find rest after using it.
How about we focus on the similarities and not the differences.
The similarities are eternal, they never change. The differences are external and very temporary prone to change Anytime.

HEART IMPLANT "SURGERY"

Roses are bound to bloom and fade. Regardless of the circumstances, a rose never revokes it's beauty.
Sometimes pain hurts so much we blame others. I choose to go through the pain and blame nobody. It is my cross to carry, my cup to bear. A replacement for what wasn't supposed to be there in the first place.

There are many things people never want to talk about yet they are core issues that affect their lives in very many different ways. I am a "testimony"  not quite sure what that means but my heart bore different aspects of hatred either caused by the community I like in, what I was taught in school, what I saw or heard from different people. I created a "place of hate"  in my heart.
We can lie to everyone else but we can not lie to ourselves. I say this because I know and I have been there.
Words like "men are dogs", "men control women "and many others I heard made me detest and resent men.
Studying African nationalism in school brought out the beast in me the hate for white people.
These two elements were part of me that I often talked about but not quite however, action speaks louder than words, I acted it out clearly and there are people who are nodding to this because they tasted the wrath that came out of me. I did lose friends because of this and boy ooh boy... I did not care one bit. Little did I know I was to be "cleansed"  it wasn't fun. IT WASN'T FUN AT ALL, but it was worth it.

Yes pain hurts most when your pride is being stepped on. I want to call the next part "SURGERY".
This was a heart in plant.
Two in one.... Serious surgery.
We meet people all the time, very many people as a matter of fact yet we get connected with some and for some it goes beyond a connection as if you were ment to meet.
You do not plan to meet them and if possible you  try to fight all odds of having to meet them. Then when you Meet them they are the exact opposite of what you ever what to see yet you desire to touch them, hug them, hold their hands and the desire is so strong, yes very strong, who can explain these desires? As if to complete  apiece of story that was missing.
Ooh how I fought with every cell, vessels and muscle within him. The feeling in my heart. Vulnerable, weak yet happy for what was standing before me what what I had never ever wanted yet that which I never ever wanted a combination of Man and White had caught my eye and heart.
I was paralysed and weak. I was speechless, I became mad and angry but I was on the Surgery table. There was an in plant going on switching my hard heart of hatred to another unfamiliar heart of love. These two were too strong for me so I "died"  become numb. Surrendered myself to the works of the surgeon. I was like a zombie nobody understood me and neither did I understand myself. I allowed the new heart implant to love not sure I would be Loved back but that wasn't what this new heart was for, it's duty was to love and for some reason she felt loved back.
I got out of the Surgery new, different and healed, my pride lost and gone. The surgery took a really long time.
After the Surgery the person had to go and leave as if to test how firm my heart would be and yes it hurt that I had lost him but it made sense to me why I had me him. He was the right ingredient the surgeon needed to give me a new heart.
My heart has opened. Wide open with passion taking in whatever and whoever came my way just as they are without hesitation. It seems strange and yet true. After meeting so many people the natural reaction usually is to close up to protect myself and  here I am open wide can't close this new heart. Feels like freedom, feels like life with no hesitations or apologies, life lived without fear without holding back knowing maybe this could be the last time I would be seeing these people loving them recklessly.

The new heart implant wasn't my decision. All humans are part of a story that's only told by the story teller. The story teller is Passionate about his story and I hope we all realize that his story has a lot to do with "SURGERY".  HEART IMPLANT.

The Fight is Over!!

If you asked me five years ago what i wanted to be in future and where I wanted to be, I would answer you at  a blink, I knew exactly what I wanted or how I wanted it to be.. I was in control or so I thought I always wanted to fight to get to the top. To get to where I wanted to be, I was driving, I was on the wheel, it was mine and it was going to work my way.
It is different today, i do not know what I want any more  the more I have grown in the knowledge if God, the more i realise, life is not in our hand and we have never ever been in control of our lives, however hard it may seem to believe but its the truth.
All our hard work in school and good behaviour at home or character with friends had never ever been in our hands, it was God in charge totally, whether we like it or not whether we believe it or not. It is totally in his control, he has our lives in his hands and he is in check with all of us..
Whether we believe it or not, right now at this moment we are just where he wants us to be and he has a reason, he has a great plan for us and his plan is for good and not for evil, to give us a hope and a future.
we do not have to fight, we only have to be in the battle field and watch him fight for us, all we have to do is live our lives in him, when we live in him, we get directions from him and commands on where he wants us to be or what he wants us to do at that particular time and place, we have to trust him and know that he has our lives in his hands.
Realising that now, gives me rest, and also gives me fulfilment knowing i do not have to fight and in case at some point I get over myself trying to fix things on my own, i will get tired and lean right back on him because he is always there. Sometimes I am stubborn and will want to test him, because he knows me, he i never surprised  we have a relationship, we talk fight and get mad at each other but at the back of our minds especially my mind, I know he Loves me and I do not have to Fight, He fights for me, THE FIGHT IS OVER!