CRASHED

i have just finished reading "worrior Princess" a book by Princess Katune Zulu, very interesting book, very inspiring, well, i guess i awoke all the compassion inside of me and the desire to serve people and make an impact in lives. Last friday i watched Joyce meyer telling her Story, OMG, i almost cried and still my inner side came out, i was so broken and felt vulnerable, her story was moving, i know most people have heardd her story including me and how her father sexually abused her but this time it was different, she used the term RAPE, her father Raped her.
from the time she was young till 18years, she said she thinks he raped her over 200 times in that period.
i was crushed, crushed and broken, there there was another story of someone being abused, physically, mentally and verbally.
all these just crash my spirit, i get so moved with these stories and wounder what i can do.
What can i do to help these people?
where are these people?
How cani reach them?
i have s many questions running through my head and have no answers.
i want to do something to help these people, but i do not know what to do and where to start from
i am still left with a Carushed spirit
i always imagine them coiled to themseves in pain, shame and worthlessness.
Crying out for help and there is no one.

i am still CRASHED


In shame they live their lives, they long for the time the pain is gone,
They always wish it is a dream and not something that really happened
They long for the time they feel safe just one seocnd of their safety means a lifetime to them
They are Torn, not knowing how to talk about it
Who to tell
How to explain to anyone
They are deperate for help and to live their lives freely again

I am CRASHED

LET HIM GO

So many times we hold on to people, things and we do not want to let go, and it is usually because we fear what will come next if we let go. letting go is so painful, i am not a parent but when i became 20years, it was so hard for my parents to accept the fact that i have grown and till now they still feel i have to do somethings the way they tell me, which is not bad but they fear i may go astray when they are not with me, they are scared and it is usually for good intentions but the driving force for not letting go is negative, it is fear. on 3rd October 2010, i was restless, i knew anytime from then i was going to receive bad news but i held on, at 7;30pm that evening, i saw ladders coming from both sides the left and the right, very long ladders they were made of Gold, yes i was not dreaming, the ladders unfolded and there was someone telling me "let him go" what wait, what am i letting go, what am i holding on to, i asked myself what was going on and the person said it again this time calling me by name, "Harriet, let him go." OK, i said there but i did not know what i was letting go, 5 minutes after my brother called me and told me we may be losing uncle Joseph and there it hit me it was him, i was to let go i had held on to him, to the fact that i had prayed so hard for his recovery. i had asked God for more time for him, there were prayer chains made for him to recover and there God asked me to let him go.
It was painful that is the pain feared to face and that is why i was holding on, as soon as i let go i felt like a blanket covering me with so much warmth.
Knowing God gives you insight to what humans can not see and it also gives you clarifications for certain things, i know can say there is pain in losing someone you love to death but it is the only way we get back to our father, if we do not die how shall we see him then.
LET HIM GO

HE HAS A PLAN

Time has been running so fast of late and a lot has happened, so much has happened.
on 3rd October i lost my Uncle, Uncle Joseph Okema, he is history, he Died and that is taking me time to process and there is no time i missed lectures and need to catch up so i do not have time to even think about the fact that he is Gone and try to understand how that happened, all i know is that it happened he is dead.
Do i want this to be about Death, well if i know how death worked i would have written about it but no, i do not think i want to, i have learnt to live life to the fullest.
Live your life today like there will be no tomorrow taking one step at time is what i have cultivated. doing your best today for you will never know if tomorrow will come. That does not mean you do not plan for the future but have it in mind that anything and anyone can die anytime.
on 9th October i buried my uncle, at one point during the burial i thought the world was coming to an end. i could not believe what had happened and why i was in the village, nothing made sense.
When we lose the people we love, we wonder what happened, we grieve a lot in different ways and the one thing we all have is we can not do anything, with so much pain we cry, we ask God why, and then ask him for the next step froward, for strength. He gives all of that to us and it is up to us to receive what he is giving unto us.
there is abundant Love in death, yeah know this is not making sense, what i am saying is when we lose someone, God knows exactly how we feel, all the emotions involved and there he wraps his arms around us and comforts us, during that time that my uncle died, every night i slept like a child, like i was sleeping in someone's arms, there was a warmth around us as if letting us know my uncle is in safe hands and we need not to worry. There was Love in the atmosphere i could almost touch it, with all the pain around, love prevailed.
this is beyond human understanding, now the phrase Love is as strong as Death makes so much sense, this comes to everyone no matter who you are and where you are from When you lose someone you love there is a calmness around and it is up to you to decide to trust your life in the hands of the one you do not see or morn and have your life wasted and yet you can do nothing to bring back the dead. they are actually in a better condition than you are in at that moment or even at all moments.
The death of mu uncle has taught me how to appreciate people and not to take for granted the scriptures and know that god is all knowing, he knows all things and he has the best plan for us, no matter how weired somethings may look and how cruel they may seem he has a plan, in all things he has a plan. HE DOES HAVE A PLAN

New Me

it's 1st october 2010, the year is soon coming to an end, i am happy very happy and greatful for the past 10 months of 2010. there are so many things and new friends i have met ths year, and i have enjoyed this year very much.
my favourite year was my 23rd year and now i can say i love my 25th birthday and i have enjoyed it so far, i am loving it.
i started school again after 3years out of school, i was so excited when i got to class, i felt like a small kid going to school for the first time, excited and scared at the same time. it was 27th september 2010 wheni started my diploma in law course at Law Development centre Kampala. i had this in mind for a long time and now i am in school again.
i am so happy and also scared of the descision i have made, i need strenght to go on, am not sure how far iam going and i don't even know where i am going with this but iam going to enjoy every step that i take till the end.
Guess with such an attitude., it explains why iam loving the new me.
the me that has always wanted to come out, the me without strings attached its me living life to the fullest for He who the son has set free is free indeed, Depending totally in God for everything and yes...i mean everything.....
i am paying my tution at school..................................does that ring a bell.....YEs...i am saving and doing something reasonable with my savings. well part of my savings gets me fashionable too, i guess its part of law..you need to look presentable and well dressesd, i love fashion anyway so it works well for me.
Have i grown.......?!?!?! yes and matured too, but i am still innocent and my mothers sweet little girl.
i LOVE THE NEW ME.