The Fight is Over!!

If you asked me five years ago what i wanted to be in future and where I wanted to be, I would answer you at  a blink, I knew exactly what I wanted or how I wanted it to be.. I was in control or so I thought I always wanted to fight to get to the top. To get to where I wanted to be, I was driving, I was on the wheel, it was mine and it was going to work my way.
It is different today, i do not know what I want any more  the more I have grown in the knowledge if God, the more i realise, life is not in our hand and we have never ever been in control of our lives, however hard it may seem to believe but its the truth.
All our hard work in school and good behaviour at home or character with friends had never ever been in our hands, it was God in charge totally, whether we like it or not whether we believe it or not. It is totally in his control, he has our lives in his hands and he is in check with all of us..
Whether we believe it or not, right now at this moment we are just where he wants us to be and he has a reason, he has a great plan for us and his plan is for good and not for evil, to give us a hope and a future.
we do not have to fight, we only have to be in the battle field and watch him fight for us, all we have to do is live our lives in him, when we live in him, we get directions from him and commands on where he wants us to be or what he wants us to do at that particular time and place, we have to trust him and know that he has our lives in his hands.
Realising that now, gives me rest, and also gives me fulfilment knowing i do not have to fight and in case at some point I get over myself trying to fix things on my own, i will get tired and lean right back on him because he is always there. Sometimes I am stubborn and will want to test him, because he knows me, he i never surprised  we have a relationship, we talk fight and get mad at each other but at the back of our minds especially my mind, I know he Loves me and I do not have to Fight, He fights for me, THE FIGHT IS OVER!

Once again......!

His ways are not our ways and our ways are not his ways, his thought are far beyond our thoughts, i do believe in him and i know he is in control, woke up this morning rather very emotional mu was not there this morning well, dad was and as the tradition always is we still had family time and mum was on phone in a few minutes the house was in laughter and joy teasing my dad and mum as he asked her what he should be wearing today morning, it was fun as dad left to go meet with mum and pick her up from the village i got ready for church, i was getting lazy already but i had promised to go to a friends church well i left and went to church, i thought it was late or so I thought but the service had not started ye, i immediately felt at home because i knew most of the youth, my heart leaped and i was so happy. when they saw me they were really surprised for some and really happy, when the service started, they lead it, i was impressed really proud of them and happy they were active in church, i sat down excited and in owe if how talented they are, they lead the songs and played instruments and lead in church. i was proud to know them, they were happy to see me could not stop smiling in agreement with what they were doing and as a sign of encouragement they vigorously and joyfully did what they were doing as if to show off their talents, it was so lovely.

One thing that stood out is the i was being lead by those that i lead, they are young and energetic, i could tell they enjoyed my presence as much as i enjoyed myself. 

I was following their lead, i was doing what they told me to do, I was impressed, I was speechless, happy and proud, it was very emotional, full of joy, my heart could not stop smiling. I was happy once again i realised how much I enjoyed being among youth and working with them once again I was reconnected to myself and connected to what makes me happy, my passion and my desire to serve, the desire to listen to the youth, the desire to see them prosper and see them follow their dreams, once again i was in the right place with the right people.

Once again these youth brought out the best in me as they lead me. i love them so Much can not wait to meet them again tomorrow.

LOVE RECKLESSLY(love anyway)

oh yea of little faith!!
Jesus wept!!
What prompts a King to weep, sure he is the King of Kings, he wept at their unbelief, their doubt.
Have you ever loved someone and they do not care about your love?
Have you cared about someone and they trash all your care like it means nothing?
What becomes of these people?
what happened to them along the way, along the journey of cultivating your friendship?
What happened to the times you cherished, you enjoyed?
what happened to the person you were deeply in love with?
What happened to love, in friendships, in spouses, among humans, what happened to human?
Jesus Wept!!!
Have you ever loved some one so much that you would die for them?
Have you ever given up all about you in the quest of love?
Have you ever sacrificed all that you have for someone?
Have you ever been called stupid because you love someone?
Have you ever been beaten up and hang on a tree because you love someone?
Jesus Wept!!!
what happened to Love?
Why is the world so empty of love?
Why is the world not em brassing the Love that is calling out to them?
why are human finding it so hard to love?
Why questions never get answers...........!!
Honestly why do people have to live 'fake' lives and have to act like the love you or believe in you and yet they do not...
we are called to love wholly and we have the one true love, the one who teaches us to love that is Jesus and yet we still fail to love and he does not give up on us.
We want to Christlike and yet we do not what to do that which he did, we do not what to love even when we are no loved back,we do not want to love wholly just as he did and yet we claim to love and know love.
what happened to Love.
The people in the world are wounded and hurting and waiting for someone to heal their hearts, someone to act Christlike and yet we doubt his love too, we doubt that he who knows more about love and he is love himself is able to take us up and use us to heal all who are broken hearted.
well we cannot do that because we too are heart broken and hold on to the heart breaks instead of releasing out hearts up the the loving father.
Love heals, love wins, love restores, love conquers, all you have to do is place your heart into the one who knows how to love and he is love himself, he is Jesus.

We always have to cling on to him to learn and master the language of love, he says we can do nothing without him, we sway away many times, he still looks out for us, Love is as strong as death, and nothing can quench love.
God is Love and Love is God.
what happened to Love is that he gave himself to us and we killed him but that did not keep him away from us he still loves us and urges us to Love the way he does,he did not say it would be easy but he said he  would never leave us nor forsake us, he knows exactly how it feels to love someone who does not love you back, to love someone wholly and they trash away your love, to care about someone who does not care about you.
He knows Exactly how hard it is to love those that doubt you and a do not believe in you.
He wept, and he knows exactly how you feel or look when you are hurt and are weeping. He knows you and his name is Love.
He extended himself out to you so you can extend yourself to others to show them the love that he has showed you and heal all the broken hearted and the only way you are able to do that is when you let love rule in your life and love wholly nomatter what happens to you.
i choose to love recklessly

Doing Nothing!!!!

Did nothing at all rested in him. In his presence i lay myself. i stopped working on my own. i was always afraid of doing nothing. Doing nothing has helped me alot. i rested and just did nothing. With two. tests ahead of me and work i still rested i did nothing thought about it briefly and let it go my thought was to quit yeah i am not a quieter but i did think about it. Father let me know what to do either quit or make it less stressful.

he did give me strength after the rest did all and succeed and i am still resting in him. now i know what he means when he says be still and know i am God. it means rest in him and literally do nothing. just put your faith and trust in him knowing he is God and he does have a plan. rest in his love. just DO NOTHING!!!!



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Getting to Know me: i Laugh it off...1!

Different people deal differently with situations especially while in pain. i just learnt me i know i have always laughed it off just did not realise how often. Now i know how i deal with pain and sorrow i cry and laugh at the same time. i actually laugh it off. when overwhelmed, i laugh at the situation. At one point i had not finished my assignments told friends i had not finished my assignments and started to laugh and they asked me if it was funny.....well its not and that's when i realised how i deal with pain and sorrow. i laugh it off. at that point i defended myself and said i was laughing at myself but the truth is i was in pain.


i laugh it off and that's when i get a solution. i deal with it after crying and laughter.......not sure its the best way to deal with pain but i Atleast know myself more when it comes to dealing with pain and sorrow. i laugh it off....!!



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Reckless Trust

All is not in favor of me right now tears flow easily. feeling numb and dumb not knowing what exactly is happening and what to do at this moment.
Shame is covering me right now disappointed and torn. i have no one to blame and i can not blame myself. i did my best. my very best. guess my very best was not good enough. i tried again the second time hoping to prove myself and still failed. i need to move forward in shame i cover my face. i can not face anyone with my failures because i can not explain them myself. i have no idea why i failed but i did. i labled myself stupid once and i am not doing it again. i have done all this to prove a point that i was not stupid but it has all backfired on me. i rest my case. i recklessly put my trust in him who knows me before i was born. he knows my name and each tear that i cry. he knows my weaknesses and failures and yet he has never given up on me. he knows my going up and down. he knows the words i am going to say before i say them. he knows me better than i know myself and he definitely knows what is good for me. i am done proving myself. it ends here and today and now. i recklessly put my trust in him. even when nothing has gone my way i will praise you lord. i will worship you. i will lift your name on high and i will never stop trusting in you. i recklessly put my trust in you. I RECKLESSLY TRUST YOU FATHER. <3